Too ugly for online dating
This piece is Wagatwe Wanjuki’s first dispatch from the front lines of her romantic life for the #Its Totally Me dating series, which follows Establishment writers Wanjuki and Katie Klabusich as they utilize professional matchmakers and the insights of various experts to get to the bottom of their perpetual singledom. So the response to the inaugural #Its Totally Me post has been overwhelming — but definitely positive!It was great to see comments from people who said that they could relate to being chronically and involuntarily single and feeling alone.More and more of us insist on outsourcing our love-lives to spreadsheets and algorithms.
Christian has seen profiles declaring that they're interested in every race except black women, and someone once told her "her kind" wasn't "good enough to date." Another guy said he'd "always wanted to try a black girl" because rumor had it we're like "sexual toys." "I cried that night [after I got that message]," says Christian.If you want to think about dating as a numbers game (and apparently many people do), you could probably swipe left/right between 10 – 100 times in the span of time that it would take you to interact with one potential date in ‘real-life’.With the popularity of sites like e Harmony, match.com, OKcupid and literally thousands of similar others, the stigma of online dating has diminished considerably in the last decade.They see my delight in swiping, an activity most of them find boring or even disheartening at this point, as refreshing.
But I've never actually been on a dating app as myself, a black woman. Yes, online dating seems fun from where I'm standing, but I think doing it as a woman of color would damage my faith in humanity.I have been painfully single for a ridiculously long time.